From start till finish

my new blog. great huh? yeah its gonna be even more fucked up than the last one. heres whats happened since last time we talked.

• one of my brothers went to jail
• i had my real first kiss, which led to my first random makeout session, which led to my first time having sex.
• i began cutting more and more often.

so yeah, not so positive. i try to be happy, but, i can't now that break is officially over. which means no more sex. which i am absolutly fine with. it was kinda weird anyway. a very squeaky kitchen chair with my brothers friend sleeping in the other room isnt the setting i would have picked. when you first get intrested in sex, you think "my first time is going to be magical." it isnt. good thing i was high enough that it wasnt painful. god i am so disapointed in myself. ive thought about commiting suicide constantly since that night.

i may be getting my ears gauged..which should be cool. it sounds a little painful thought. i dont really care. ive felt worse pain.

i ate today, but happily, i have managed to restrict. instead of eating all my food, i only ate some. i think its because i literally can not eat as much as i used to or i will (involuntarily) puke.